Please don't push me away...
by Sydonia
Summary: Pg-13 for difficult issues...some mild language...SLASH H/R...Harry loves Ron, Ron doesn't know what to do...final chapter unless i get lotsa reviews! Oh yes...veeerry mushy and fluffy, be warned if u get cavities easily : )
1. Normal

Ok friends...ya'll know I don't own any of these characters...I just wish to borrow them. 

More chapters comin'...umm I've already started another story...but I don't really feel like writing inymore, I don't really like it...if you want to read it it's called "Beginning at the Beginning" but I don't really intend to write anymore. Ummm...slash warning, even if you didn't catch that in the summary...please review, please...I need to know what people think, even if they don't like it. No flames please. You don't like slash, you don't read. SOrry about the crappy title...will most likely change...Oh and single quotations ('blahblah') are ALWAYS Harry's thoughts. Thanks bunches! 

Sydonia a.k.a. Syd   
  
  
  
  
  
  


'Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. No. I can't be this way...no. He would hate me. After hating me, he would be disgusted. What would he think about me? I can't be this way. And I'm sure he's not...that way. He's too perfect.' 

These were often Harry's thoughts night after night as he watched Ron sleep. Harr would lay in his bed and be content just to listen to the soft sound of Ron dreaming and the swishing of his pajamas over the sheets when he rolled over. Oh, how Harry wished he could just be able to let Ron see his desire and not try to hide it. 

'No no no no no. I can't let him know. I can love him from a distance. Love? Was it love? Do I really love him? God I don't know. What would he think of me? For God's sake...he's a guy, I'm a guy. NO! It can't be this way! There's no way that I can be like that. What would people think of me? What would he think of me? Even if he can't love me, I think I would die if I lost his friendship. I can't be that way!' 

He decided to tempt fate and go steal a look at his best friend. Silently, Harry slipped out of bed and padded over to Ron's in his slippers. Hary stood over the sleeping form and sighed deeply. He built up his courage and softly brushed a finger across Ron's freckled cheek. The skin was so soft under Harry's fingers. Ron jumped and opened his eyes with a snap. Harry hopped backwards and almost tripped over the rug as Ron scrambled to a sitting position. "God Harry you sacred the BeJesus out f me! What are you acting at...waking me up like that?"   
"Oh, Ron, sorry. I came over here to pour a glass of water," he gestured to the water jug and the basin, "and there was a spider on you face. So I brushed it away." Harry thought on the spur of the moment, but nevertheless he blushed. Ron's first instinct was to jump out of bed to search for the spider, and he did just that. Whne Harry just stood there, and didn't move, Ron muttered something about how it probably got away and looked up at Harry from the floor.   
"Harry? You okay? You look...funny.":   
"Huh? Sorry...a bit tired."   
"Oh, okay," Ron said, giving Harry a suspicious look. Harry notcied this and sent him a quick grin before getting his glass of water and walking back to bed. Ron seemed to think that was a good response, and he believed it, because he grinned back - Harry's stomach turned over - and he too got back into bed. 

'Oh God that was close.' 

Harry slipped into a fitful sleep, dreaming of telling Ron and not seeing the disgust on his best friend's face. Ron smiled understandably, and hugged Harry to him...telling him not to cry. Being told that Ron loved him too...no one mattered as long as they were together. But, it was only a dream. Harry knew that dreams don't come true. 

The next morning, Harry woke early to go practice on the Quidditch field. He didn't wake early on purpose, but needed to get away from Ron. The desire was too strong. Harry knew that he could fly his troubles away if he worked to exaushtion. The Firebolt zoomed around the Quidditch pitch, but Harry was still distracted. Harry sped towards the ground, and nearly slammed into the grass before coming out of the dive. He tried to rocket his broom upwards again, but didn't pay enough attention, and the turn wasn't sharp nough. The broom's tail raked across the dirt and several twigs broke and frayed. Harry landed again and cursed softly while examining the damage. 

'Oh God, I can't even keep my attention on my flying. All I see is Ron's beautiful face. I wish I could take Ron on my broom and wrap my arms around his waist and laugh and laugh and show him the sunset.' 

Harry thought about this as he made his way up to the castle to fix his broom before breakfast. Ron was just stumbling down the stairs when Harry arrived at the common room. He grinned lopsidedly when he saw Harry and his wind-whipped hair climbing through the portrait hole. "Hey Harry. Early Quidditch practice? How come I wasn't informed?" Ron was the team's Keeper and Captain.   
"Just me, I wanted to work on my dives. I came back when this happened." Harry gestured to the broken twigs.   
"Harry I think your mind was somewhere else today. That's never happened before has it? What was on your mind?"   
"Er, Potions test today." 

'Now I have to lie to him! Why the bloody hell can't I be normal? A normal boy? First the spider, then this! What can I do? I'm going to lose him!' 

"Oh yeah, I remember. At least we can fail together, eh?" Ron chuckled. Harry did too, but inside he felt warm at the word together. 

Hermione came bounding down the stairs, and Harry mentally thanked her for saving the awkward silence. They made their way down to the Dining Hall. The three of them were eating eggs and oatmeal when the Owl Post came in, dropping letters on people's heads and in people's cereal. Hedwig came by, to steal a piece of toast, nip Harry's ear and fly away. Ron and Hermione laughed when Harry mock glared at Hedwig and rubbed his ear. 

'He's got such a great laugh.' 

It was all Harry could do to keep from dragging Ron into a closet and spilling his intermost feelings towards his best friend to his face. He sat on his hands to kep from brush away Ron's hair when it fluttered across his brow. Every time Ron looked at Harry, he maksed the look in his eyes and de-furrowed his eyebrows so Ron wouldn't notice anything odd. 

Everything went okay, Harry didn't humiliate himself, and continued to admire Ron from a distance. Hermione stayed happy and unknowing, so did Ron, but Harry's insides were in a whirl. He had kept his cover well.   
Christmas Eve came. It was just Harry, Ron, Hermione, and a couple of first years left in the common room. Harry had notcied how Ron was becoming quite the ladies' man. He became just a pair of eyes with glasses as he watched as Ron spin a nervous looking first year as they danced to imaginary music. Harry wanted to feel Ron's warm hands in his own, but couldn't help thinking about the image it would make. It just wouldn't work. No one would accept it. 

Harry excused himself and went upstairs. He laid in bed ontop of his sheets and looked over the mental pictures of him and Ron. Arms around each other in a brotherly fashion, holding up mugs of Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks. Both of the were laughing and kept clinking their glasses together. Then there was Ron twirling a gnome in the air. Harry admired the muscles in his arms. As much as he tried, at seventeen, Harry was still skinny, even if he was tall. The last one was his favorite, and was of them sitting in the armchairs by the fire playing wizard's chess together. Ron was pretending to be annoyed when Harry finally beat him and the black knight slammed Ron's white king to the marble board. Picture followed picture for about an hour or so. Such was their great friendship. 

When the mental pictures were done, Harry notcied that the room was blurred. He was crying. For the first time since Dumbledor told him about his parent's, Harry Potter was cryting. He hoped against hope that Ron wouldn't come in. No such luck. The tall red head walked in just as Harry drew a shuddering breath and more tears poured down his face. One look and Ron knew someting was wrong. Harry didn't cry like that. 

Harry tried to wipe away the tears and turn away from Ron, but he was too late. He stood up to go rinse his face in the basin, but Ron caught his shoulders and spun him around. "Harry, what's hurtin' ya mate?" Harry could do no more than sob. The much taller young man drew Harry into a tight hug. Harry wrapped his arms around Ron's neck and sobbed with all his strength into Ron's shirt. This was what he had dreamed about, but the rest was going to become a nightmare, Harry was sure of that.   
"Ron, I think I'm in love. I don't know what to do. They'll probably turn me down. It just couldn't work." Ron was surprised, Harry had never really been this upset over a girl before. Oh sure he had been sad, like every "heart-broken" teenager, but Harry always kind of shrugged it off. Emotions just never ran this high.   
"Harry, with who? What happened?" Harry reluctantly pulled away and sat on his bed, staring at his hands. Ron walked over and looked down at the back of Harry's neck.   
"Oh God Ron, why do you have to make this so hard?"   
"C'mon tell me. I'm your best friend...I won't push you away. If it's Ginny I don't mind. Take her."   
"God Ron it's not Ginny. It's the second youngest Weasley, not the youngest," Harry muttered, slightly audible. Ron looked stunned, but then registered what Harry meant. He stumbled backwards and looked at Harry with horror on his pale face. All the color was gone, and he just kept muttering, "Oh, God, Oh God." over and over again. Harry saw the look on his best friend's face and stood up to walk over to Ron. Ron got the look of a crazed animal as he yelled, "Oh God Harry, go away! Get away from me!"   
This made Harry so torn up inside. He knew this would eventually happen. Ron wouldn't and couldn't love him. HE was normal. He just ran to the corner and slumped in a heap. But Ron saw the look of immense hurt in Harry's eyes as he chanced a glance at Ron's livid form. Ron steeled himself and waklked untill he was a few feet from the quivering body that was Harry. Then he muttered, "Harry, I love you as a brother. But...no...I'm not that way. Even if I was, what would it look like? I would be even more of a nobody in my family than I already am! Everyone would call me queer! God all those times we've shared a room at the Burrow...sleeping before the Quidditch cup. I thought we were friends...you can't do this to me! What is your bloody problem?"   
Harry said nothing. But his mind was still going, and the tears were pouring down his face even more steadily than before. 

'Ron, how could you? I knew you'd never accept it. Now you hate me. It can never be the same. But why? Why do I disgust you? Your family won't care. Please Ron, please.' 

Ron ran from the room, slamming the door behind him.   
  


* * * * * * * * * *   


Thank you and plase review! :) 


	2. Unblinking Eyes

Okay thanks for the two of you that reviewed...but I wish more people would let me know what they think! But, at the risk of seeming greedy...I will continue. 

You know as well as I that these characters are, never were, and never will be mine. 

Oh, and, I don't think that non-muggles knew who "God" was, but I'm using it anyway...maybe Ron just picked up the expression from Harry or something...I don't know, use your imagination. 

Syd   


For the following weeks, Ron avoided Harry. When break was over, He worked with Dean or Seamus, or even Neville. Harry worked with Hermione, every time. She had the sense not to ask what was wrong between the two, for she could see the hurt in Harry's eyes as Ron sent him a disgusted glare from across he classroom. Harry had never seemed this upset before, not sad anyway. Before he was always angry, or annoyed with Ron, never this hurt and down-cast.   
However, Hermione did think to ask Harry one night in the common room when Ron went up to bed what was going on. "Harry?" She said gently, puting her hand on his shoulder as his stared with unblinking eyes into the fire, "Harry, what did Ron do to you?" Harry said nothing, but fiercly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. When he couldn't stop the tears, he turned away from Hermione and wrapped his arms around his knees in the armchair. Instead of accepting this, she put a hand on either side of his face and forced him to look her in the eye. It hurt her so much to see her best friend, whom she had never seen cry before, with tears pouring out of his eyes like so many thunderclouds.   
Harry drew great, shaky breaths but still said nothing. She stared right into his green eyes, until he finally muttered, "I can't tell you."   
"Harry, you can tell me anything."   
"No, you wouldn't understand. You'd hate me. Just like Ron."   
"Harry -"   
"But I don't see why he hates me so much. If he grew up with an aunt like Petunia he'd never trust them again. The way she yelled at me. The way she treated me. The insults! He just won't understand. I thought he'd never push me away. He told me so...then he did push me away and broke his promise."   
"Harry, I don't understand -" But he didn't stop: his voice was getting higher, more frantic, shaking as the tears poured down his cheeks and soaked Hermione's hands,   
"I knew I shouldn't say anything. I knew it, but he forced me too. Our lives were great. Then I messed them up. He is disgusted with me, but I still -" Harry stopped, looked around quickly and grabbed Hermione's wrist. One meaningful look into her eyes and he pulled her to him and embraced her like she was the only thing keeping him alive. He countinued, fiercely whispering in her curls, "I still love him. I do! I do...I do...I love him..." Hermione was surprised at what she heard snaking through her hair to her ear. But she kept a hold on Harry, and held him even tighter.   
"Harry, you love Ron?"   
"Yes I do...I could never love anyone else. He was the first person I met who didn't look at me like I was something gross under their shoe. I learned what it was to have friends, Hermione, for the first time in my life, I had a friend! And now I don't have him anymore. Why did I tell him? The look on his face...utter disgust. He didn't even want to look at me." Harry kept crying, sobbing harder and harder until the tears just wouldn't come anymore. Hermione let go of him and he slid back into his chair, heaving dry sobs now and then.   
Harry being gay didn't matter to her, really. She was surprised, but she didn't mind at all. While he sat there, staring at the fire again with his eyebrows anxious and his red, puffy eyes looking defeated. Even the green seemed faded from behind his glasses.   
They both sat in silence for hours, but then Hermione gently took Harry's hands and pulled him to his feet. She led him up to the Boy's Dormitory and gave him a friendly hug before going to her dormintory. Words weren't needed, Harry understood her face, how she felt just by her arms. He heading inside the Dorm room and collapsed on the bed in his clothes. He noticed with a pang that Ron's curtains were firmly closed. Harry drifted into an unrestful sleep, having nightmare after nightmare.   
Harry woke with a start to find someone was shaking his shoulders. He grabbed his glasses from the bedstand and jammed them on his nose. He gasped to find Ron standing over him. However, Ron didn't ave any feeling in his clear blue eyes. "Harry, you were screaming all over the place. I had to wake you up before you woke the whole Dorm."   
"Oh. Uh, Ron, can I talk to you?"   
"Harry, I don't think -"   
"Please, Ron." There might have been a glimmer of friendship left, becuase Ron noticed the pleading behind the glasses and sat down slowly on the edge of Harry's bed. He made sure not to touch any part of Harry, however. Harry placed his forearms on his bent knees and buried his fingers in his hair. "Ron, please, I can't lose you. I'm sorry I'm not normal. But please, don't hate me."   
"Harry, I don't hate you. I've known you too long to hate you. But can you imagine what it would look like for us to, you know, be together. I'm already the nobody. Sure, I wouldn't be the nobody anymore, but I would be talked about like, I don't know, but both of us would be gossiped about. I'm sorry."   
"You're never the nobody...never the nobody. Do you think your family would care? But, if you can't see yourself, ya know, loving...er...me, than you don't have to. But anyone who's your friend couldn't gossip about you."   
"Malfoy -"   
"You care about Malfoy?" Harry looked up then, and saw Ron's eyes were sparkling more brightly than usual.   
"No, but -"   
"Ron, I uncerstand why you can't do this, but just let me explain." Harry sucked in a deep breath and continued, "I grew up with Aunt Petunia. You can't imagine, the insults...the degrading. I tried to imagine that I was playing a game, and had to block her out to survive. It worked, for the most part. I tried not to think of my parents. I had to remember that everything would work out, if I didn't keep telling myself that, I don't think I would have made it this far. Of course, Dudley and Uncle Vernon were just as bad, but they weren't blood family. No one likes in-laws. But She hated my mother...her own sister. I would have been the happiest boy in the world if she took me in her arms and hugged me and put ice on my black eyes from Dudley, but she would only tell me to shut up and go to my cupboard. I think I realized that I could never trust them with my heart again. So, Ron, please don't hate me...but if we never talk again, I want you to remember that I'll always lo -"   
"Harry, please stop. I know. But, I just don't think I could love you that way," a blush was creeping down from Ron's hair, like the color was leaking. "I mean, we're guys. God why now Harry? Why did you have to tell me? I don't think things can ever be the same!"   
"Ron, please. I told you because I couldn't not tell you. You had to know. And you asked." At this point, Harry looked up into Ron's face. He thought he was all cried out for the night, but the tears were prickling under his eyelids anyway. He had already lost his dignity with Ron, so he made no attempt to wipe away to salty drops dripping down his face. He just kept his eyes trained on Ron's face and no expression on his face. When the tears didn't stop for what seemed an eternity, Ron ventured into a question, "Harry?"   
"Yes, Ron?"   
"Can I still hug you without you acting, ya know -"   
"Gay."   
"Um...yeah. Harry, you're my best friend, and I just can't watch you cry anymore. I can't stand it...it hurts."   
"Yeah."   
Very tentatively, Ron pulled Harry into a tight, brotherly hug, and the shorter boy grabbed the back of Ron's shirt and held on as hard as he could. At first, Ron seemed nervous that Harry was going to do something unexpected, but when it seemed all he could do was sob into Ron's shirt, he relaxed and patted Harry's back. Ron had never seen Harry cry this hard before. He ad never seen Harry cry period. The thin boy never cried when he got smashed in the head with a Bludger, or when Malfoy told him that his parents were idiots and deserved to die, nor when Cho Chang said she loved Cedric. Harry was like a small child in his arms. But Ron didn't care anymore. He just swayed back in forth with Harry's silent tears soaking his nightshirt.   
Soon, Harry had stopped shuddering and taking quaky breaths, but was still holding onto Ron as tight as before. "Harry?" Ron whispered. No answer. "Harry?" The tall boy let go of Harry to find he had fallen asleep, standing up and in Ron's arms, but he never let go of his best friend. Ron scooped the small body in his arms, and marveled at how light and thin Harry was. Ron laid him down in his bed, and tucked the sheets in over the sleeping form. The glasses were placed on the bedside table, and Ron slippped into his own bed and was happy when Harry rolled over with a small smile on his face.   
From across the room, Ron heard Harry mutter in his sleep, "It's okay, Mum, Dad. Ron doesn't hate me..." 


	3. Drowning

Thanks to those of you who reviewed! This chapter is kinda boring, but I needed to have something like this happen for my plan to work...and YES I am a Drama Queen! Haha :) 

Y'all know I do not attempt to say I own these characters/places...the plot is all that is mine...the twisted plot... 

Please review! Thanks!   
Syd   
__   
__   
__   
__ __

_Dear Sirius,_   
_ How are you and Buckbeak? I hope you've been able to keep up with the news lately. This is a very hard thing for me to tell you, but I think I have to tell you because I don't know what to do. I think that I'm in love with Ron. When I told him, he was all disgusted, but we talked about it a few nights ago and we're on good terms now. He still looks at me kind of oddly sometimes when he doesn't think I'm looking, but I suppose he'll get used to it. You know, he told me that "he wasn't that way" and he was worried about what his family would think. Knowing the Weasley's, I don't think they would mind...I mean, in their house, practially anything goes._   
_ Sorry I'm not telling you more about what's been going on here, but I really want you to answer as quickly as possible, so I need to make the letter short. Please...I need someone to tell me I'm normal._   
_ Harry_

Harry tied the letter onto Hedwig's leg and watched the owl swoop out of the windows of the Owlery. He watched her until she was gone from sight and turned from the window. When he turned, his eyes fell on Ron standing in the doorway. He was leaning on the frame of the door, looking very tall and lanky. "Hey, Harry."   
"Hi, Ron."   
"What are you up to this late?"   
"Oh, I was, er, sending a letter to Sirius...you know, to keep him updated on what's going on."   
"Harry, it's late...it's almost two in the morning."   
"Yeah, well I couldn't sleep."   
"C'mon...let's go back to the common room."   
"Alright." Harry and Ron made their way out of the Owlery and to Gryffindor tower. There was an uneasy silence all th way, and Harry relfected on how their friendship would probably never be back the way it was. Ron seemed to be trying to stand as far away from Harry as he could wthout his noticing.   
They came to the portrait of the Fat Lady and Harry whispered, "Infori minimus." The portrait swung open and they crawled into the common room. Silently, they trudged up the stairs and entered the Dorm room "Well, g'night then," said Ron.   
"Yeah, goodnight. See you tomorrow." They both got into bed, and Harry notcied with remorse that Ron made sure his curtains were all the way closed when he laid down. Harry sighed and curled up under his own covers, but didn't fall asleep for hours. He listened to the rythmic breathing of his best friend as he slept. The room seemed stifling and Harry's sleep was littered with nightmares where he relived once again his mother's death. 

_Please...please! Don't kill Harry! Please spare him!___

_Stand aside you stupid girl. Give me the runt and you won't have to watch him die.___

_Please no! Spare him!_   
  
Silent tears mingled with cold sweat as Harry tossed in his bed all night. 

* * * * * 

One night, at Quidditch practice, the Gryffindor house team was playing around after several drills Ron had put them through. Harry had repaired the damage on his broom, and was once again practicing the Wronski Feint. The whole team cheered when the skinny boy pulled off a spectacular dive and did a few loops in the air. Seamus Finnigan, one of the team Beaters, clapped Harry on the back, saying, "Wow Harry, that was great! Even Lynch can't pull off a Feint like that one!"   
An hour later, when practice was over, the team was still in high spirits and was zooming around the field. Harry was racing Ron on his new Nimbus two thousand, but the Firebolt was ahead. Harry flew to the lake, and was flying over it, when he came to a sudden halt. Ron and his Nimbus weren't but five feet behind him, and everything happened in a matter of seconds. The redhead smashed headlong into Harry and his Firebolt, and a nasty crack echoed in the crisp spring air as Harry slid sideways off his broom. Before Ron knew what was happening, Harry was tumbling towards the serene surface of the lake. With a girant splash, the now small figure sank out of sight. "HAAARRY!" Ron realized that Harry's shoes and robes must be weighing him down as he kicked off his own shoes and stripped down to his boxers. With an arching dive, he plunged down into the lake after his friend. Ron searched and searched for what seemed like hours. He came for breath many times before his fingers brushed cold skin, and grabbed hold of Harry's hand before the two sunk any deeper. Using all of his strength, Ron kicked his way to the surface. He broke through the surface with an almighty gasp and hauled the limp form with the mass of unruly black hair to the surface. Miraculously, Harry's glasses were still jammed firmly on the bridge of his nose, but he was missing a shoe. Slowly, Ron dragged his cargo to the shore. The rest of the team was there to meet them, and Seamus had managed to rescue both of their brooms.   
Harry's skin was cold, and he wasn't breathing. His arm was stuck out in an odd angle from his body and he didn't move when Ron shook his shoulders. "Harry! Harry, please wake up! Please wake up, Harry," Ron was yelling at the unresponsive body. Hands were pulling him back, but Ron fought the hands and kept shaking Harry.   
"Ron, we have to take him to the castle!"   
"Ron! come on you git! We have to get Dumbledor and Madam Pomfrey!"   
"Ron!"   
The red head realized that they were right, and he scooped up the wet pile of robes and hair that was Harry and made his way up to the castle as quickly as he could. He didn't even notice the way the harsh wind stung his bare, wet skin, or the way the grass prickled arngrily at the soles of his feet, or the way his muscles screamed in protest of carrrying such a dead weight.   
Scarcely minutes later, Ron gently laid Harry's body on a bed in the Hospital wing and collapsed on the bed next to it. Madam Pomfrey came rushing in and Ron managed to gasp, "Harry fell in lake, not breathing...broken arm...needs help," before the nurse wrapped him in a warm blanket and set about tending to Harry. She noticed Ron watching anxiously, but also saw the look of sheer exhaustion in his eyes and hypothermia setting in. She forced some sleeping potion down his throat and he fell asleep immediatly. 

* * * * * 

Groggily, Ron opened his eyes to find he was still in the Hospital wing, but someone had put pajamas on him. When his eyesight cleared, he remembered what had happened and frantically searched the room for Harry. The boy was laying in the same bed Ron had left him, and was slowly breathing as he slept peacefully. Ron sank back into bed, fully relieved that Harry was okay. A fierce tapping on the window revealed Hedwig outside the window. Slowly and carefully, Ron opened the window and Hedwig flew in. She went over to Harry, realized he couldn't be disturbed, then left her letter with Ron. She knew and recognized him, and he had the feeling that she knew he would give the letter to Harry when he awoke.   
When she was gone out of sight, Ron went and laid back down in bed. He recognized the hadnwriting; it was Sirius's reply letter. Harry always read his godfather's letters to Hermione and Ron, so Ron decided to see what Sirius was up to. Apparently, Sirius had a shortage on paper, and used the back of the parchment Harry had sent. It was odd, Harry usually wrote Sirius when something odd was going on, "and nothing odd has happened lately...except Harry is..." Ron muttered to himself, but dwindled away when he got to the third sentance of Harry's letter, 

_...I think I'm in love with Ron. When I told him, he was all disgusted, but we talked about it a few nights ago and we're on good terms now. He still looks at me kind of oddly sometimes when he doesn't think I'm looking, but I suppose he'll get used to it. You know, he told me that "he wasn't that way" and he was worried about what his family would think..._

Ron stared with an open mouth at the letter, and finished reading in a daze. He never knew that he mattered that much to Harry. Harry_ did _say he loved him, but...was it that...serious? What was even more surprising than Harry's letter was Sirius's reply. 

_Dear Harry,_   
_ So, you love Ron. Harry, you are perfectly normal. You know, I'm surprised Ron would be worried about his family, I mean, you know his older brother Bill? The one that works for Gringotts? Well, he's just like you. He's got a boyfriend that he lives with. Unless Ron doesn't know. If he doesn't know, and you feel you need to tell him, for the sake of everything good in the world, please be tactful. It's not everyday you find out that your older brother is gay._   
_ Oh, yes, and Buckbeak is fine. So am I. Try and come visit me in your next Hogsmeade visit okay? I hope things work out with the two of you._   
_ Sirius_

Bill? Gay? 


	4. Warmth

Okay everyone...here is Chapter 4! Please review! 

You know what I've notcied that really pisses me off? It doesn't matter how original my idea seems to me, someone has probably used it before. So if the idea seems familar, I assure you I'm not stealing it from anyone intentionally...I would never copy someone, but the idea might be similar. Thanks!   
Sydonia   


There was no way that could possibly be true. Sirius must be worng. Ron didn't have a problem with his brother being gay, but how come he never knew? He had never known anybody who was gay, or at least he never thought he did. Ron didn't want to think about it anymore, so instead he went to sit by Harry's bed to see how the nearly drowned boy was doing.   
Ron dragged a chair next to the crisp white bed and notceid how bright Harry's hair looked on the blinding white pillow. He gathered his knees to his chest and stared down at the sleeping form. Harry's chest was barely fluttering as he breathed so rapidly. Ron could almost see the heartbeat through the thin skin on his temple. Harry's face was pale and beads of cold sweat had broken out on his forehead. His eyes were moving rapidly under his eyelids, and the little red veins stood out like blood on snow. Ron reached up to smooth away Harry's sopping bangs from his forehead, and was startled to find his skin was as cold as ice. Then he notcied how Harry was shivering under the many layers Madam Pomfrety had layered upon him. Empty goblets of Pepperup Potion littered the bedside table, but they seemed to not have done any good.   
Ron slowly unclenched Harry's fragile hand from the blankets edge and slowly entiwined his warm fingers with Harry's icy ones. Harry was going to die. He almost drowned, Ron hadn't found him in time. Harry was too thin and didn't have enought muscle mass to survive such cold water for so long in January. Why dd Ron have to crash into him like that? Now the Boy who Lived was going to die. Ron was wallowing in self-guilt when Madam Pomefrey came bustling in. "Good, you're awake. Listen, Mr. Weasley. Pressing issues demand me to to go see the headmaster. Mr. Potter won't be awaking anytime soon, so if you could just stay with him, that would be a great favor. If, by some miracle, he does awaken, give him some more Pepperup Potion and then tell him to go to sleep. I have locked this room so no one will be able to disturb him...he really needs rest, you know." Ron nodded mutely and Madam Pomefry left the two boys alone.   
Ron laid his head on Harry's chest to listen to his breathing. It seemed more rapid than usual. His lungs rattled harshly in the red head's ear. Harry was breathing with his mouth open and his pale lips were parched and dry. Gooseflesh had broken out over Harry's neck and he was shivering more violently. Ron saw Harry freezing to death because his body wasn't warm enough. He pulled back the covers from Harry's thin body and the sleeping boy unconciously tried to curl up into a smaller ball. Ron sat on the bed next to Harry and gathered the shivering young man into his arms. He knew what it would look like if someone were to walk in on them. He knew this, and accepted it. So what if someone thought they were gay or something. Did it really matter? Harry was right. No one who was their friend would let anyone spread rumors about them. Plus, Bill was gay and everyone liked him. No, don't think about that.   
Harry's breathing deepened as he moved closer to the warmth that was Ron. He pulled the blankets over the two of them and rubbed Harry's back to warm him. He noticed with guilt that Harry's ribs were sticking out and that he had let his friend get so thin. Harry had been so stressed with school that he had pretty much forgotten to eat a lot of the time. Then Ron had hurt him so deeply for weeks and had been acting so distant lately. How could he do that? Harry was still his best friend, him and Hermione. Harry was still his best companion, and it didn't matter he was a little, different. But Ron was at peace, holding his best friend and feeling Harry's skin warm and seeing the old glow come back into his face. Ron rested his chin on Harry's mass of hair, sticking out all crazily. He still smelled like the lake and that evening's fresh air. Sleepily Harry buried his face into Ron's shirt and he took even steadier breaths, the veins in his eyes dissapeared and a small smile twitched at the corners of his lips. Ron was amazed at how peaceful Harry had become in just a few mintues, and how calm he felt. Ron rested his cheek against the mop of raven hair and smiled. "Ro -" Harry's weak voice was interrupted with a jaw-cracking yawn. "Ron? What am I doing here?" He slowly sat back then saw where he was. A look of shock covered the sleepy face as Ron grinned at him, averting his eyes. "Ron, I'm so cold. Why am I so cold? And why am I here? Last thing I remember was fa -" another yawn, "was falling into the lake, and then blacking out. Ron I'm so cold..." Ron wrapped his long arms around Harry once again and drew him closer. 

'Oh My God, I'm laying on Ron's lap...he isn't afraid of me anymore! I'm so cold...God he's so warm. I love him so much.' 

Harry felt totally at peace with the world, and so did Ron, until he realized what he was doing. He was laying in the same bed as Harry Poter...his best friend. His best friend who was in love with him. He shouldn't be doing this...it wasn't right. Plus, Harry needed sleep. But, said the voice in the back of his mind, he got so much better as soon as Ron added his own warmth to the little bed. "Harry," Ron whispered into his hair, "Harry, you have to go to sleep...Madam Pomefry told me to make sure you go to sleep. I have to go, Harry."   
"You're so warm, Ron...please don't leave. I don't want to be that cold again..."   
"Okay, Harry, I won't leave. But you need to lay down."   
"Oh - Oh - Okay, Ron." Another yawn stretched the corners his mouth and Ron let him go as he slid back dwon and put his head on the pillows. Ron laid down next to the already sleeping boy and soon he was asleep too. 

* * * * * 

"Ron? Ron? Wake up Ron! Ronniekins! Wake uuupppp!" Ron reluctantly opened his eyes and a face with round glasses and black hair swam into focus. Ron groaned and pulled the blankets up over his face.   
"Go 'way Harry...I'm tired!" Hands grabbed the blanket and ripped it off of him, and bright lights blinded him. He sat up and lazily swung a punch at the person trying to wake him up. His loosely balled fist didn't meet anything and he rubbed his eyes and Harry laughed crazily. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, which Ron was still laying in.   
"Ron, c'mon mate, it's late."   
"Alright, alright...just five more minutes Mum..." Ron flipped onto his stomach and Harry tickled his side. Ron bolted up out of bed and was awake in a matter of seconds. "I'm awake! I'm awake you bloke...what is your bloody problem...I'm tired, dammit!"   
"Morning, sunshine." Harry sneered sarcastically.   
"Yeah yeah." Ron laguhed, but the laughter died away when he saw Harry's face. The young man had a very serious look on his face and was looking straight into Ron's eyes.   
"Ron, I need to thank you. You saved my life twice, you know."   
"Nah, only once. Pulling you out of the lake only counts for one."   
"Ron, I ws freezing to death. My body just coldn't make it's own heat..." The nights before suddenly came rushing back to Ron...falling asleep woth Harry curled nest to him, no longer shivering. His once pallid face brightening. Then Ron noticed Harry was still talking, "...then I realized where I was...you were still asleep, but I was so warm. I had just woken up when Madam Pomefry came back in. She forced me back into bed but was really surprised at how much better I was, how mch my temperature had raised. She didn't even make me take anymore PepperUp Potion. I guess she realized that I was dying and you had warmed me or something, and your were dead to the world, so she let you stay here. Ron, I was so cold, you can't even believe it."   
"Oh, well...yes, well, that." Ron looked at his lap sheepishly.   
"Ron, I guess it must've been, like, a huge sacrafice for you. I mean...remembering what happened...ya know...on Christmas. But, well, I just want you to know that...I dunno, er, you're still my best friend, and -" Ron saw the trouble Harry was having expressing what he was saying and interrupteed him.   
"It's okay, Harry."   
"But, Ron, you know what I mean, right?" 

'Please don't make me talk...I'm trying to remember what it felt like to sleep in your arms...'   


"Yeah, Harry. You were dying. Your skin was so cold, so pale, you were barely breathing. I knew that if I didn't do something, you were going to die. So whatever I did was my own choice. You were alseep, remember?" Harry blushed slightly and grinnned.   
"Good. I'm glad Im not dead."   
"Um, Harry? You got a letter while you were asleep." Harry's eyes snapped up as Ron handed him the letter from Sirius. Harry read the reply with wide eyes, and looked up at Ron curiously when he was done. Ron knew what was coming... 


	5. Saviour

Hey! Thanks to those of you who reviewed!   
shamanoftheBabble Serendipity: I love the idea, but alas, it's yours...and I already have an ending for the story. But, I say take your idea and run with it! it sounds like its good to me! :) 

y'all know the disclaimers 

please review! 

* * * * * 

"Er, Harry...umm I know what the letter says." Ron muttered without looking at up. When he had read it, it didn't seem like he was doing anything wrong, but now he wasn't sure if he should've read Harry's mail.   
"You do? How do you know?" At least he didn't _sound_ mad.   
"Uh...you were sleeping, and Hedwig came in and gave me the letter because you were asleep. Since you always read us the replies, I just wanted to see how he was doing." Ron chanced a glance up at Harry. The green-eyed boy was blushing fiercly as he realized that Ron must've read the letter to Sirius as well.   
"Oh." He looked away. And then both boys were red.   
"I'm sorry, Harry. I know I shouldn't have...but I think that was the the best way for me to, you know, find out about Bill. You know, that takes a huge load off of my shoulders...Mum is perfectly fine with Bill and his boyfriend, apparently. Ha, I never would have guessed...Bill sure seems like a ladies' man, doesn't he?"   
"Erm, sure."   
"Harry, please don't be mad..."   
"You read my mail...I don't get any fucking privacy do I." 

'Come on, Harry...don't get mad at him...it was an accident...But I'm so embarrased...he doesn't seem to mind...at least he doesn't have to worry about how his family would react...but wait, he's not that way, is he? I can always dream...' 

"I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have. But, when I read it, I was thinking, and I was watching you sleep. You were so pale...your skin was so cold...I couldn't let you freeze. So I got next to you, and I realized what it would look like if someone walked in, but I didn't care. You were right. No one who is our friend would mind or gossip. And Everyone likes Bill!"   
"If you're holding out or universal popularity Ron, you've got a long way to go." Although Harry was trying to act mad, he couldn't stop from smiling. Ron looked so flustered and so truly sorry that Harry couldn't help it. He looked down so maybe Ron wouldn't notice. He did.   
"Harry...I can see you smiling even though your hair is long enough to be a curtain." To avoid responding, Harry stood and stumbled over to the window. He leaned on the sill and refused to say anything. The sun was setting over the lake and the water looked like molten gold as the ruby disk sunk away. He felt warm breathing on the back of his neck, but didn't turn around. Ron was standing behind Harry, staring at the sunset as well. Harry looked so helpless, still weak, slightly shivering, so Ron wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders from behind. He rested his chin on Harry's hair again and sighed, muttering, "I'm so sorry I was such a jerk. I was scared, is all. I don't care what people would think anymore. Because," he took a deep breath and sounded like he was teetering on the brink of saying something that took all of his courage, " I love _Harry_, not knowing I'm what some idiots think is normal." Harry spun around, eyes wide and hopefull. Ron grinned and began to dance with Harry to imaginary music, in the hospital room. This was what Harry had dreamed of when he watched Ron dance with the girls, and now Ron's warm hand was in his own, and it felt so right to be there, twirling to music no one but the two could hear. 

* * * * *   
Harry told Ron that Madam Pomefry said they could leave when Ron awoke, so they left the hospital wing together. Everyone had just gone to dinner, but they weren't hungry for food. All they were hungry for was each other. All the years of being too scared to admit anything...too afraid of people callling them queer, freaks...something that the psyce of a teenager just can't handle. But now they knew...it didn't matter, as long as they were together (A/N: Aww that was corny) and never left each other's side.   
Harry and Ron stood facing each other in the middle of the Dorm room. Inches away from each other, Harrry stared up into Rons face, his lips slightly parted and his heart thumping in his throat. He swallowed fiercly and blinked. Ron couldn't even stand the time it took him to blink to not be able to see the green light shining into his eyes. Harry's eyes were the sea staring up into the sky. Ron could feel the blood coarsing through him. He never admitted that this was what he wanted until now. But now he longed to shout it to the world.   
Ron touched Harry's face with a shaking forefinger and brushed the hair away from his scar. He felt so sad that such a mark should mar the face of an angel like the black-haired boy standing in front of him. Harry couldn't wait any longer; he threw his arms around Ron's neck and lips met lips in a desperate embrace. Ron held Harry in his arms so tight it was like he wanted the two to merge into one united life force. Ron kissed back with all he hunger he had hidden in the past years, and Harry clung to the red head so needily and it hurt. Harry's jaw worked up and down as he entwined his fingers in Ron's fiery hair. Ron' s palm cuppped Harry's face and then ever so lightly skipped to his neck, were he pressed Harry to him so his knuckles turned white. Somewhere along the way, Harry's glasses were knocked onto the hard floor, and split at the bridge. Harry heard the crack but was too busy relishing the sweet taste of all that was Ron to care. Ron's palms were flat of Harry's back and he could feel the two hearts beating together, rapid, strong, and passionate...   
Both of them let go when the air was short. Ron took a huge gasp and Harry a shuddering breath, then dived in for more. Harry was addicted to Ron's lips, they were a drug ensnaring his senses, drawing him deeper and deeper into the center of himself, they were the great leveler for the tears and nights awake in bed...watching those same lips flutter as the red head breathed. Ron could feel their minds spinning in a torrent together as he forced Harry's mouth open with his own. His tongue traced over Harry's teeth and they explored each other's mouths, heat leaking out of the spaces not completely sealed.   
Breath was coming ever shorter, even for the well trained Quidditch players. When the two thought they might pass out for lack of oxygen, they broke away, but continued to hold each other. Harry was gasping and grinning so wide his cheeks ached, and he could feel Ron inside of him...part of his soul had bled into Harry, and Ron could feel the raven-haired boy pulsing in his veins. Ron's chest heaved against Harry as he fought to recapture his breath.   
Ron tilted Harry's chin to look up at him, with a surprisingly cold finger. He traced his thumb over Harry's cheek bone, over his jaw bone, over his bottom lip, admiring his beautiful face. Harry mirrored Ron's movements with his own hand. Cold shivers passed through each of them as the sweat moistened their palms. "Harry, how could I have done that to you," Ron whispered, his deep voice heavy with heat and regret.   
"I could never mind, if this is how it ends."   
"Is it, though?"   
"What, the end?" Harry cocked his head to the side, grinned up at his love, and continued, "No, I guess it's not." With that, he gave and almighty shove and pushed Ron onto his bed. But Ron's reflexes were quick as well, and dragged Harry with him. The green eyed boy was still slightly weak, and collapsed on top of Ron. He rolled to the side so his arm was draped across Ron and his head nestled in his neck. Playfully, he blew a stream of air out of his nose into Ron's ear. The freckled boy chuckeld and cringed. Harry laughed into Ron's ear softly, which tickled even more. "Ron, remember, the night at the lake, when I stopped like that?"   
"And I crashed into you? Yeah, that was the worst moment of panic I've ever had, watching you fall into the water and not seeing your beautiful self come back up." Harry smiled into Ron face, and Ron felt the petal-soft lips brush his cheek.   
"Well you know why I stopped? I was thinking how great it would be to watch the sunset with you. I suppose falling in the lake was a blessing in disguise."   
"My damsel in distress, except you're not a damsel, and you've saved my ass way more times than I've saved yours."   
"Ah, Ron, you know we couldn't have done any of the things we've done without you."   
"Psh, wha -" was all Harry allowed Ron to get out before easing his lips over Ron's. He teased with Ron and kissed him, then drew away. Everytime this happened, Ron whispered faint sounds of protest, and Harry returned with a smothering heat so that Ron was swamped with desire. Harry pulled away and hugged Ron, muttering, "Pretend I'm dying again, hold me like you did." Ron wrapped his arms around Harry and nestled his head at the back of Harry's neck as Harry wrapped his free arm underneath the Ron' s lower back. The taller boy brushed his fingers up and down Harry's spine and over his shoulder blades. Harry's jaw cracked as he yawned, and Ron reached up to draw the curtains closed to the four-poster. They kicked off their shoes and Harry burrowed his face in Ron's neck while curling up his legs against Ron. His nose was like a little ice cube on his skin. "Ron, I'm still so cold, you're so warm...I don't want to have to be cold anymore...please help me Ron..." the whispers from the small boy made little puffs of warm, sweet air on Ron's neck. He pulled up the covers over their intertwined bodies and hugged Harry to him like he could never let him go.   
Icy toes touched Ron's bare leg and he cried for what had become of the strong young man he once knew...now a weak fragile boy who almost died from hypothermia. A thin, starving, boy who hadn't eaten in who knows how long. He was like a twig that surly would snap if he got hit during Quidditch. But, now, there was Ron, the light at the end of the tunnel. The one thing that could pull Harry back from the deep hole he had fallen in...the one thing that Ron knew he could do was to save the one he loved. Harry would never have Ron as a cause to be sad again.   
Ron and Harry smiled in their nivana, and fell asleep entwined together on the warming bed with one, connected, rapturous soul. 


End file.
